It has been awhile since I have written in here, I have come to write more by hand these days..in the millions of moleskins I have all over the place. But here I sit at Starbucks, needing to write my final paper for NST on the Person of Christ, but my mind is completely overwhelmed with something else. I want to write, to let my words take over about what is in my head and heart, not write about a summary of a class…So, I will try to clear my head real quick before I move ahead to this paper that I have to get done tonight…
my heart…something that I can not figure out. I love my job, I love my life…I know without a doubt that I am living the plan God has laid out for my life for this point in my life..but my heart still drifts and longs for something else. Dallas TX is where I reside at this current moment in time and I love it. I love the city, the excitement, my church, my friends, my Starbucks..i do love it here..but I feel like half of my heart is elsewhere. I love for the West Coast again, for that culture, for the people, for the ocean while at the same time I long for the East Coast for the same reason. I deeply long for the ocean, for the waves and sand, to see the power of God like I can not see anywhere else. To ride the waves on a board and let nature be in complete control of me. No where else on earth shows me the power of God like surfing. I long for this..deeply long…and I long for friendships elsewhere..people that I have built relationships with across this world pull at my heart. I want to wonder what God is doing with these friendships, where is He leading them? Will anything become of these relationships again, or will they always be friends that left a mark on my life but will never come back in my life? I deeply long for the restoration of some of these friendships. I miss them terribly and feel like I am sitting here waiting on the Lord to move to restoration of these friendships that pull at my heart.
So what is the Lord doing in my heart? Is he preparing me for something bigger and better? How will he use me in the rest of my life? Will I always serve Him in Dallas or elsewhere? What will become of these friendships that have been left behind as I moved across the country?
Waiting for God.
For Him to speak, to move.
Waiting sometimes can be one of the hardest things when your heart is so hopeful.
Am I ok, waiting in the wait?
There’s nothing left to do, but to continue the wait…But how should that look when you feel like you need more faith?
Jesus, I can’t wait for You without You, and yet I know You’re here….