i am a simple girl

October 5, 2010 at 12:13 am (Uncategorized)

i am a simple girl.  At any given moment, no matter what I have on and look like, I would much rather have on nike shorts, maroon tshirt, and my rainbows with holes in the soles.  Given the opportunity, a friend or two, sports, a movie or a game and great conversations definitely win my choice of fun activities.

Last night, I had the pleasure of going to Cowboy’s Red River with a friend.  Don’t get me wrong, it was fun, but I felt very out of place the whole time.  But at the same time, it was fun to dress up a little and get out of my “normal day to day routine.”  I am not much of a two stepper, but thanks to David Livengood, I did give it a try.  He declared me “not too bad!”  Success!  The rest of the time, I talked to a couple of people that I didn’t know, people watched and took notes in my brain.  I was trying to figure out what about the place disturbed me the most.  The cougars?  The multitude of girls in very little clothing dancing around?  The people who go to church with me that were putting their hands/bodies places on the opposite sex that they didn’t need to be?  The combination of all?  As I sat around and watched, I saw a group of people that spanned probably 2 generations.  There were the 20 somethings and the 60 somethings..all dressed up in order to gain the attention of others.  There were the 40’s – 60’s year olds, mostly women, who had on way too much makeup, cocktail dresses (at a two stepping bar!) and were obviously looking for someone to give them attention.  But at the same time there were the 20s and 30s who were there for the same reason.  Only they were even less dressed and more provocative in their clothes and actions.

And here I am…..I wore my cool cowboy boots that I proudly found in the lost and found at Sharptop Cove, and decent clothes, possibly even cute!  I don’t think I am hideously ugly and I feel like I have at least a decent personality.  But to this crowd, in this place I was in, I, in no way, fit in.  There is no way I even remotely can be a part of that crowd.  But, I don’t want to.  There is no part of me that wants to take off half my clothes, stand on a table, and dance to get a boy to notice me.  So, I left there last night, heartbroken because of my generation that I obviously do not fit in.  Where do I belong here?

I am a simple girl.  I would rather wear nike shorts, a maroon tshirt and my Rainbows with holes in the soles on any given day.  How can I make someone like a simple girl like me?  I can’t…I do not want to make someone like me anymore than I want to go dance on a table at Red River.  So, I keep coming back to this place that I have been at many times over the past month.  This hurt of being lost.  I am a simple girl.  I would rather wear nike shorts, a maroon tshirt and my Rainbows with holes in the soles on any given day.  And I miss having a place where i belong.

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