rambling thoughts

October 24, 2010 at 10:37 pm (Uncategorized)

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way.  To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey..

That’s the song that’s in my head right now as I sit here tonight with some not great feelings going on inside of me.  I haven’t researched my bible for this post, or even thought through what I am going to write..this is just me rambling….  This morning at church left me quite unsettled.  We talked about church discipline and judgment.  It left me with feelings of shame.  Not necessarily shame of my sin, even though there is a little of that, but just shame of my immaturity.  Seriously, I often act like someone 15 years younger than me and get upset about things someone of my age should not at all.  I am embarrassed and ashamed of the ways I often act, the ways I treat people and for my immaturity.

Lately I have been thinking about my age.  I am older than some of my best friends.  Does age matter that much?  Is it ok if I am older?  But what does that say about my maturity?  I remember when I was 24 and I have definitely changed a lot since then…is my maturity rate a personal rate or does it depend on age?  I am very unashamed for my lack of maturity for my age…so how do I grow in maturity and not act like a 16 year old?

I want to grow, I want to mature, I want to be secure in myself…I need to spend time with Jesus..for me and my benefit, not for studying greek, or reading for discipleship, or preparing for bible study or a talk..but for me and my personal walk with Christ.  I think I shall do that now…..


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