January 22, 2011 at 12:10 am (Uncategorized)

My favorite thing to do in life is use my mind.  I love to think and to learn, study,  write, read, process, solve puzzles, find solutions to problems, and have intellectual conversations.  I love that my mind is constantly moving and the Lord has gifted me with a little bit of  “smarts” to be able to keep up with some of my friends around me.  However, my mind is my own worst enemy.

Over the past year or so, the Lord has given me a friend who has been wonderful at helping me discern that I am functioning most of my life out of lies that are constantly running through my head.  Since I have clued into this, it has been a daily struggle to combat lies that are constantly running through my head; twisting everything I hear and making me question every conversation I have and relationship I have.  Today, I have spent a little time studying about how to defeat these lies that are wearing me down; that I am so tired of dealing with.  Basically, I have boiled down the lies in my head to 3 basic lies that all others originate from:

  • “I am fundamentally unlovable.”
  • “I cannot trust anyone.”
  • “I am not safe.”

Because these 3 lies plague me everyday, I screw up a lot of things, drain my friends, and live a life in constant question.  If I continue to believe these lies, I will continue to act and react as if I am fundamentally unlovable, cannot trust anyone, and am not safe, which can feel like living in a prison.  Sometimes these lies manifest themselves in ways that I have no idea that they are really lies.  They sneak into my mind so stealth like that I do not even realize they are there, until they come out in such strength that I get hurt my something that rationally doesn’t make sense, or start to struggle with something I never thought I would question.  My mind is a strange place…

I want to step out of these lies – to challenge myself to think opposite of what my mind sometimes tells me.  I want to believe that I am loved, safe and have friends and family that truly care about me.  I am loved by my God most of all.  Tonight I preached on Ephesians 1:3-12 and I couldn’t help but cry when I was speaking.  I cried as I studied it earlier today, and I cried as I spoke on it.  My God chose me; like being chosen for the most elite sports team.  My God chose me to be His and adopted me into His family.  As a child that never felt secure or loved in my family;  this is Huge for me.  But my God is bigger than any of the fears I had as a child.  I do not know why I so often doubt His love for  when so much of His Scripture speaks on it.  I am secure and loved in a relationship with my Creator.

My mind likes to creep in and try to convince me otherwise.  Makes me question if I really have a relationship with my Savior, or does anyone really like me?  I question who I am and what I believe.  I question if I can trust anyone or are they just pretending they care?  And I question if life is even real.  It is a daily struggle; one that I am so tired of fighting.  I am tired of questioning my God, my friends and everything that goes on around me.  I want to be secure in life and assured that I am loved and I can love well.  Lord help me…….


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